Thoughts on Proverbs 18

Recently I was reminded of the verse in Proverbs 18: “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother” (v. 24). What started out as thinking about this verse on the way to work one morning then turned into a number of conversations I have had with various friends and my older brother.

I have always thought that Proverbs 18:24 was a powerful verse. The more I read it, the more captivated I become by the layers of truth. As someone with two brothers, both of whom I adore, I found it difficult to imagine a friendship that had a deeper bond than what I have with either of them. Granted, the term brother might possibly be referring to general family relations, but in the literal sense, typically, a brother is someone with whom you share childhood memories, a childhood home, life experiences, a similar spiritual perspective, and a similar belief system.

Upon thinking about this verse, I wanted to re-read the verses around it, just to get a better idea of context. I was surprised at how full the chapter was about the points of friendship as well as the power of the tongue and the difficulty of overcoming a wounded friendship. Initially I couldn’t understand why a chapter that focused so much on the contrasts between a wise and foolish person would also include so much about relationships and friendship. As I read the chapter several times, though, I began to understand.

For me, the last several years have been an exercise in understanding friendship, and I have departed from a few, most often due to lack of proximity or life changes. I have also been blessed to nurture some friendships as well. I will say with a great deal of confidence that my friendships have been one of my life’s greatest blessings.

With that in mind, as I read through Proverbs 18, I began to hold my own friendships up to the truths that are in the chapter. I also began to examine the friend that I am. These are the truths that I found:

(Proverbs 18:2) Friendships thrive between individuals with a giving attitude, both of time and availability.

No relationship can thrive without communication and a certain measure of availability to talk or just connect. Sometimes it requires a bit more from one friend than the other depending on the season each person is going through in life. A close friendship may include an occasional late-night phone call or a time set aside to pray together. In seasons of business, it may also look like sporadic text messages, tagging them in Facebook posts that remind you of them, or jotting down notes for “when we next meet.”

(Proverbs 18:4, 18:8) Friendships require a building up of each other.

While friendship requires constructive criticism at times, two people can’t possibly build a strong bond without encouragement and affirmation. My friends and I have been through highs and lows that include marriages, divorces, deaths, and professional and personal failures. The assurance of having someone’s confidence during those times is so comforting and becomes a foundation upon which to rebuild during those times of challenge and failure.

(Proverbs 18:9) Friendships that are lost due to offense can rarely be regained.

When two people forge a friendship and share confidences and moments in their lives, a bond is created that becomes sacred. When one friend hurts the other, that bond is broken, and the binding cords of friendship are severed. That loss is deep and devastating, and the trust that is lost often feels too risky and too vulnerable to rebuild.

I have most often heard the implication that Proverbs 18:24 is referring to the relationship between a Christian and Christ, the idea that He will be closer than a brother. While that is true, throughout life, I have seen and experienced times when one comes to rely on a friend more easily than they will family. I have even had the privilege of being that friend. In these moments, we are uniquely positioned to show and, in a sense, be Christ to our friends. We carry their burdens and continually point them toward the Light.

So, at the conclusion of my many times reading this chapter, I understood why the author wrote verses about wisdom along with verses about friendship. Those we associate with are often a reflection of what we pursue–wisdom or foolishness. Friends can be our greatest influences, and the caliber of friend we choose, the character of that friend, should be considered very carefully. Additionally, in order to have a friend, you must be a friend. No friendship will be sustained by one person’s efforts alone.

I also think that Winnie the Pooh had an eloquent thought on the topic of friendship as well: “A friend is one of the nicest things you can have and one of the best things you can be.”